The House of Hunt

Ah, Indiana Jones. Purveyor of relics, searcher of awesome old stuff, archaeologist extraordinaire…divider of friends and destroyer of souls? Apparently so.

As most people are well aware, the latest adventure of Henry Jones, Jr. (in and around a kingdom of crystal skulls) is now in theatres after a 19-year disappearance. The fan world has been abuzz with hype and expectation, wondering if Indy can bring the awesome like he did in the past. I finally had a chance to see the film last Friday night…and I loved it.

Now I’ve seen a lot of films lately that I dig (old and new), but I felt I had to speak up about this one, simply because I’ve seen so many people, including my fellow film/comic/music geek Nathan Rouse, absolutely disparage Indy 4. Fair warning…from here out, I’m going to be discussing various plot points and elements of this movie…so if you haven’t seen it yet, leave now!

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Okay? All those people gone?

All right. Here’s my question for the people who hated it. What’s the big deal? Almost every negative review that I’ve seen talks about the unbelievable nature of this film or the cheese-factor being too much to handle. Did the 19 years cause amnesia in everyone? We are talking about the same film series that featured a magical box of face-vaporizing ghosts, heart removal without surgical tools and a wooden cup that heals bullet wounds, right? How about that part where Indy and crew dove out of crashing plane in an inflatable raft that somehow managed to remain upright enough to land on a snow-covered mountain, tube down said mountain and then head straight into whitewater rapids in India? And did I mention that no one died? Or how about that train of zoo animals, including that car of nothing but snakes?

Yeah, I guess the negative nancies are right. A crystal skull, aliens and a UFO are completely out of the realm of Indiana Jones. That’s just taking it too far Spielberg and Lucas.

See here’s the thing: I think for a lot of folks, this bad boy was just too hyped beyond comprehension. Expectations were so high, there was no way this could meet people’s hopes. That and the fact that, for most of my friends, we were all kids (or early teens) when the first three came out. We were different people and we saw the world through different eyes. The whole character of Indy is an amalgam of serial heroes, James Bond and other miscellaneous adventurers. Obviously we’re going to perceive a guy like that in a different way now than when we were kids (especially in a world of Jason Bournes and X-File agents).

Not only that, but Dr. Jones is in a different place in his life. Fortunately, the filmmakers didn’t try to wedge this in too soon after The Last Crusade. They placed this story in the late 50’s and in some ways, Indy himself doesn’t fit in this world. We’re used to a young, robust guy, kickin’ ass and taking names. That happens here too, but there’s a weariness to him…and a bit of awkwardness. This is a new world, filled with Cold War fears, atom bombs and sock hops (well, sorta). It makes sense that Indiana would be a bit of an anachronism. There’s actually a very poignant quote from the dean of his college: “We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.” Indy is now stepping into the role that his dad played in Crusade.

So here’s ultimately what I think about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: It’s a blast. It’s a fun ride through the Indy universe once again. You’ve got the globe-trotting, the witty retorts, sweet action scenes and brushes with the supernatural. Oh and if you’re still hung up on the jungle swinging scene, get over it. Yeah, it’s cheesy and rather stupid, but Spielberg and Lucas are legends of the homage. Shia’s Mutt character tips his hat to Marlon Brando, Errol Flynn and Johnny Weissmüller…all in one film. Not to mention the self-referential scene at the beginning of the movie. American Graffiti anyone? It’s what these guys do. They’re lovers of the medium and this one is an ode to the 50’s b-movie/early sci-fi flicks.

And there you have it. The reasons why Doctor Jones still rocks. If you can’t wrap your head around it, that’s cool. Charlie Kaufman and the Coens have new movies out later this year. Take the summer off from film and wait for them. I’m sure they’ll be awesome for you.

…er, reporter. Observe.

In a move that will probably surprise no one, I’ve heard rumors recently that Zondervan Publishing is in talks to partner with Harmonix (makers of the relentlessly popular Rock Band) to release the suitably Jesus-fied Praise Band. No longer content with simply mimicking the trends of modern music by releasing albums from Christian artists that sound suspiciously like tunes from 5 years previous, it would appear that the CCM ghetto is set take the video game world by storm (the Left Behind adaptation notwithstanding).

I’m not really sure how to respond to this development. On the one hand, it was probably only a matter of time before this happened…yet in my heart of hearts, I guess I hoped that, for once, my Christian brothers and sisters would leave well enough alone and simply enjoy something without the compulsory need to justify it spiritually. On other hand, I could see how rockin’ out to David Crowder Band, Hillsong United, and some old Rich Mullins or Michael W. Smith might be fun.

What does set my ire aflame is that apparently there’s going to be a “spiritual” component to the game, wherein you have to don a “heart-soul monitor” (along with whatever instrument you choose to wield) that will somehow take into account your daily walk and how much time you’ve spent in the Bible. I guess they figure that there has to be some Godly rationale for playing a video game…otherwise it would be of the devil.

*Sigh*

EDIT: Satire alert. As far as I know, there is no Praise Band currently in development. But the idea hit me the other day and I wanted to try a Swiftian approach to cultural commentary. Did it work on you?

Oh Craigslist. Is there anything you can’t do? The ever-luminous and observant Teddy Hart sent me this story and it’s simply too good not to mention. You can read the whole thing at the link above or you can read my CliffNotes-certified version right here…

Basically some poor guy in Oregon got most of his belongings jacked thanks to someone posting a fake ad on Craigslist. It alleged that all of his property had been seized by the local police and that everything was free for the taking. Unbelievable. Even crazier is the fact that he saw people speeding away from his house as he drove up (after being notified of weird goings-ons by a concerned neighbor).

I don’t know how the man refrained from resorting to violence. I know if I saw someone driving off with my crap in the back of their truck that I would probably end up getting arrested for extreme vengeance with a baseball bat and a crowbar. Or possibly with a machete. Assuming that it wasn’t already in someone’s trunk.

D2BD Booth Promo from John Schroter on Vimeo.

I recently picked up Alan Moore’s graphic novel series, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (a terrific storyline by the way), and something about the cover of the first volume gave me pause. It’s similar to the image above, yet it boldly proclaims “Now A Major Motion Picture!”

Now, film adaptation arguments aside, (hint: the movie version sucked. hard.) I realized that you never see a book or graphic novel or comic with a promo button that announces “Now a Minor Motion Picture!” No one ever supposes that their adaptation will be a bad one. Or that it will somehow fall short in the cinematic realm. No, the one possible option for adapting a literary creation for film is “MAJOR!” How bizarre. Especially in today’s environment of ever-increasing specialization and splintering, one would think that someone in the white towers of marketing would start tapping into this veritable goldmine.

Consider this…Say you’re a Dave Eggers fan. Granted, Eggers is perhaps not the most obscure of examples, but I’d wager that the general population isn’t too familiar with him. At any rate, let’s say Magnolia Pictures is going to adapt his book, A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius. Rather than saying “Now A Major Motion Picture!” on all future printings of …Genius, why not announce “Now An Elite Indie Motion Picture!”

How about depictions of Jesus? For The Last Temptation Of Christ, the novel could have said “Now A Controversial Motion Picture Featuring Yet Another Jesus Who Doesn’t Look The Least Bit Middle Eastern!”  I think that would work well.

Or in the case of Wanted, a graphic novel by one of my favorites, Mark Millar, if the ensuing movie looks nothing like the source material, you could say “Now An Extremely Loosely Adapted Version Which Only Takes The Name Of The Original To Dupe Longtime Fans!” Granted, the button would be a little bit bigger than normal, but that’s okay. The cover art doesn’t really matter anyway.

Truth in advertising. That’s all I’m asking for people. And for the record, the abominable film version of League…, also known as LXG (due to the wisdom of some suit who thought that it needed to be X-TREME for the kiddies), was a total mess. It bore little resemblance to the graphic novel upon which it was “based” (more like freebased). In this instance, the publisher would have been better off with this text on the cover : “Screw the Movie. Read the Book.”

Dearest House Faithful,

I apologize that I have not been around as much as usual lately. Life has been insane in the membrane (never thought you’d see a Cypress Hill reference here, did you? Well, I’m full of surprises) and there’s been a lot going on. A lot on my heart and a lot in my head. And a decent amount in my bowels as well. But that’s another post for another time.

At any rate, I’m sorry for the lack of fun and cool stuff. That will henceforth cease. There are lots of cool things in the offing and I can’t wait to share them with the world. And by “world,” I mean the five people who read this.

So beware. Beware the Ides of March and running with scissors. And beware The House of Hunt becoming even more awesomer than before!!!

Yesterday, as I drove to work, the bane of my existence decided to show his evil face again. Yes, that’s right. CougarZN was back.

He taunted me as I drove, mocking me incessantly with that stupid little vanity tag, acting like he didn’t have a care in the world. I was content to let him go about his business, but as soon as I started speeding past him, spinning blades of death shot out of his wheels and began to edge toward my tires, a la the chariot race scene in Ben-Hur. Panicking, I started evasive maneuvers by flipping on the anti-grav lifters under the AwesomeBot’s (that would be my car) chassis.

Undaunted, CougarZN locked on with his tractor beam and dragged me across four lanes of traffic, taking out a dump truck, a station wagon, and a painting van with a tenth of Colombia’s population inside.  After making international reparations, I moved to the offensive, prepping the rocket launchers and firing 14 missiles at the dastardly yellow car. He somehow managed to dodge all but one. Sadly the one hit simply took out his front and back windows, whilst also blowing out the side windows.

At this point, we had reached a split in the highway. He was right on my tail, anticipating my every move. With all my heavy munitions gone, I knew I had to pull a move that screamed desperation. But it also screamed kickass if I could survive to talk about it. I switched back to tire-bound travel, threw the car into neutral, jerked the emergency brake and yanked the steering wheel hard to the left. It was a patented Double-Helix Cobra Venom Strike move and CougarZN was left speeding down the highway in the opposite direction, shocked as I launched AwesomeBot into the path of oncoming traffic. It was a suicide decision, the move of a man who knows not the length of his life. And I lived to drive another day.

The following conversation with Teddy Hart may or may not have transpired yesterday via IM:

teddyisawesome: dude! i need more House of Hunt!
jehu the hunt: huh? what are you talking about?
teddyisawesome: your last entry was April 11th…it’s been more than a week man. what’s up with that?
jehu the hunt: well, i have been just a tad busy. work, life, etc.
teddyisawesome: that’s no excuse. i demand that you be funny and post more!
jehu the hunt: what am i, Jojo your Laugh Monkey??? you expect me to just hop to your every whim?
teddyisawesome: yes. that’s exactly what i expect.
jehu the hunt: so now i’m your humor bitch? i’m just being pimped out for your grins and giggles?
teddyisawesome: hells yes.
jehu the hunt: i feel so cheap.

My life has reached a new low.

Ooo, look at me everyone! I’m Jeremy Hunt…blah blah blah!

I’M SOOOOO SMART AND FUNNY!!  Read my crap and make comments to make me feel better about myself!

Oh grow a pair, you bastard. Seriously, get over yourself. You’re so full of it you can’t even see straight. I’ve got your number. Once you’ve been hacked, you’ll never go back! How’s it feel? It’ll happen again. SOON.

teh haxxor733t