The House of Hunt

heh. heh.

This is amazing. The less I say, the better.

How do you say “Ouch!!!” in Japanese?

I sally forth this grand day, dearest of loyal readers, with a conundrum of the highest order. Namely, it is this: where hast the monocle gone? This beautiful and most excellent piece of eyesight enhancery, this pinnacle of public pride and perfection…whither has it disappeared?

And why? It surely was indeed the utter height of style and fortitude. What else says “I have crushed the dignity of a thousand peoples and tens of nations” with such panache? I humbly submit the answer to this selfsame question: Nothing.

Oh great monocle! How I weep for thee and thy absence in this, our modern age!! Return and grace us with thy one-eyed presence! I beseech thee!

You may be wondering what it is that gives the Japanese people their edge in the technological sphere. What fuels these folks in their never-ending drive to create the best car, the best TV, the best gaming platform, the best fake electronic pet craze that will overtake the rest of the world and leave them holding the money and laughing all the way to the bank?

Is it an over-abundance of genius genes? Some cosmic karmic influence that is trying to balance the scale after the whole Hiroshima thing? A superhuman work ethic spawned from way too many hours spent reading manga and watching anime?

You may have your theories, my friends, but I have found the source. The veritable fountain of joy in which they each dance.. The teat of energy from which each Japanese individual must suckle. And here it is: Konnichiwa!

I thought that my praise of artistry for today was over with the TenNapel post, but I’ve just come across something that forces me to speak again.

New music from Jeremy Enigk.

!!!!!!!!!!

Enigk is one of my favorite musicians of all time. He is so gifted at the art of writing songs…ones filled with passion, heart, and beauty. It’s been a few years since his last solo album and his new on, World Waits, releases in October. I just came across three songs from this new album and…Wow. If these are indicative of what the rest of the record sounds like, April and I are going to be in heaven. Outstanding.

Thank you, in advance, Mr. Enigk for your wondrous art.

If you know anything about me, you know that I have a massive love in my heart for anything created by Senor Doug TenNapel. Who is Doug TenNapel? You cretin. How dare you ask such a stupid question. I hereby and forthwith demand that you cease reading this post and proceed directly to his website, as linked in my links.

Done? Good. Now you know that he’s the genius behind Earthworm Jim, Catscratch, the artwork for numerous Five Iron Frenzy albums and an ever-growing number of sweet-sassy molassy graphic novels. Creations that tickle my fancy and warm the very cockles of my heart…titles like Creature Tech, Earthboy Jacobus, Tommysaurus Rex…and now, Iron West.

Iron West, TenNapel’s latest opus, is outstanding. Now, I know I tend to use a lot of hyperbolic language on this here blog, often with merely humorous intent (or attempts at humorous intent). But I’m being completely serious when I say that Doug’s artistic vision is so refreshing and fun. IW reads like a boy’s ultimate fantasy, combining elements of the old west with beastly legends (did I hear someone say Sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster?), sci-fi robots of doom, and a classic portrayal of a reluctant hero scoundrel with a heart of gold…well, maybe it’s bronze, but you get the idea.

Sound cool? It is. TenNapel’s art, expressive and cartoon-ish (without being too cartoony), is the perfect counterpoint to his manically imaginative storylines. Whether it’s the classic western motifs of a town under attack from outsiders and multiple chase scenes involving trains, or the awesome spreads showcasing monsters and mythic creatures, the whole shebang works in a way that only TenNapel could accomplish.

I know this probably comes across as blatant fanboy gushing…and I suppose you can discount it as such (but if you do you truly have no soul). But the best way I can convey the sheer fun of his work is to compare his art to that of the talented folks at Pixar. That sense of joy and pride in story-telling that comes across in all their productions is also present in Doug’s work. And in the same way that it’s hard for me to rank The Incredibles above or below Toy Story, I can’t really compare Iron West to any of Doug’s previous work…beyond saying that it’s a completely awesome joyride.

Go now and get it. You won’t be disappointed.

Oh my. I can die a happy man. The heroes of my youth have returned and my soul sings of joy, happiness, and pizza. Bask in the glory that is the Turtles!!!

Now if they would only start working that M.A.S.K. movie…

Okay so here’s what I don’t understand. Why do all the car ads have that teeny, tiny little disclaimer at the bottom of the screen that reads “Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt.” What sort of message are they trying to send? And how dumb do they think I am? When have we ever had the chance to see how a car performs on an open road when being driven by an amateur? And if we ever saw said amateur on said open road, is it an automatic assumption that we would attempt the same thing?

What are you hiding, evil automobile corporations?!? I know you’re trying to hide behind your legal mumbo-jumbo, which incidentally, you need a pair of high-powered military grade goggles in order read. What about the majority of the population that is going blind from years of staring at the boob tube? What about those people? Is this midget jargon your backhanded way of saying that you don’t value people who can’t read the warning and hence might attempt to drive amateurishly on a closed course? How dare you. How dare you sirs!!

But here’s what really burns me up. Despite the warnings, the hinting, the innuendos, and hushed whispers in your corporate meetings in the great towers of our modern, advanced cities, we never actually see a car doing anything cool. Anything I’ve seen in a car commerical lately, I can pull off in my Toyota Camry. Driven too fast down a crowded city street? Done. Managed to navigate a low-level hydroplane? Accomplished. Zoom zoomed around rolling country roads? I had that junk down when I was 17.

Try wowing me with real feats of skill. Like driving a car that comes equipped with wings for when the road ahead disappearing in an earth-yawning of a sinkhole. Or maybe one that has satellite-guided missiles for the next time that I’m buzzed by a trio of MiGs, like I was on the way home from work the other day. Shoot, I’d be happy to see one that balls-up on impact, protects the driver from injury and then shakes itself out like a wet dog afterwards, working out the kinks and dents in the fenders and windows accordingly.

When that happens, call me. Then we’ll talk about the importance of mentioning, “Oh by the way, you might not want to try this. This guy’s a professional and this is one kickass car that he’s driving.”

You silly little man. Look at you in that bourgeois suit and tie, holding court over all your minions. You so silly. Thank you for gracing us with the antics of your summertime cohorts.

Do you know what really gets my goat? What really gets under my skin and burrows down until it’s completely eviserated my soul?

The utter dearth of Danny Kaye movies coming out these days.

And don’t you dare tell me it’s because he’s dead. That’s absolutely no excuse. If you can bring back Marlon Brando for Superman Returns, you can give me my Danny Kaye fix. I’m aching for the tongue-twisting brilliance of a sequel to The Court Jester, entitled The DMV Jester.

For those of you simpletons who have no idea who I’m talking about, I’ll give you this picture to go on. You know how to get to Google. You’ll have to do the rest. Incidentally, this photo also features the equally brilliant Basil Rathbone. Tomorrow I’ll give you an earful on what I think about the lack of his movies these days as well.